BREAKING NEWS:
Florida Man Baptizes 17 Alligators in Wendy’s Parking Lot, Claims “They Found Jesus Faster Than My Ex-Wife” • America’s Newest Power Couple: You and Your Blender • Quantum Dating Ruined My Timeline (And I Think I Liked It) • BREAKING: Vatican accidentally baptizes entire CERN particle accelerator. Water now considered conscious. • Trump Demands World “Kiss My Ass,” Then Kisses Wall Street’s: Tariffs Suspended for Everyone Except China
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