Trump Declares Borders Are Feelings: Harvard Now a Threat Vector
Foreign students blocked, 12 countries banned, and airport kiosks now ask if you’ve ever doubted freedom
Read MoreWorld
Because chaos isn't exclusive to America.
President Trump Says He Gets Along Great With Dictators: 'Strong Men, Stronger Handshakes'
While the West worries about alliances, Trump praises his "bro-code" with Xi, Putin, and Kim as "the most stable axis since his Wi-Fi.
Read More
Airline Apologizes After Flight to Tel Aviv “Accidentally” Lands in Gaza Strip
Pilot blamed the confusion on “a very convincing runway” and low ambient judgment.
Read More
Harvard Closes Its Gates. China Offers Wi-Fi, Dumplings, and Tenure
As the U.S. bans international Harvard students, China launches “Scholarship Diplomacy 2.0: Now With More Pandas.”
Read More
Vatican Braces for JD Vance Visit, Pope Leo XIV Activates Papal Firewall
After Vance’s last papal handshake led to a pontiff’s expiration, Rome prepares for "controlled proximity blessing."
Read More
Trump Offers “Trump Tower Mecca™” in Exchange for Qatari Jet, Sparks Holy Real Estate Diplomacy
“You give me wings, I give you minarets with my name on ’em.” – President Trump, probably.
Read More
U.N. Recognizes Mushroom Kingdom as Observer State After Mario Kart Audit
Wartime banana peels and functional rainbow bridges impress global leaders, unnerve NATO.
Read More
Trump Threatens to Annex Canada “By Christmas” After Liberal Victory
Too much politeness, not enough guns,” says President. Pentagon reportedly baffled, searches “poutine” and “moose logistics.
Read More
Israel Accidentally Declares Itself a Religion After National Identity Database Crashes into Digital Torah Prototype
A government cloud error has officially converted the Israeli state into a religion, prompting citizens to choose between citizenship or faith, while the Supreme Court argues over whether biometric...
Read More
France Bans Mondays
President Macron says the move will “boost morale, reduce whining, and finally defeat Garfield.”
Read More