News so fake, it might as well be real

BREAKING NEWS:
NJ Woman Tries to Hire Hitman Online: “Does Yelp Have a Hit Section or...?” • Trump Declares Borders Are Feelings: Harvard Now a Threat Vector • Gut Health Declared National Priority: New Pledge of Allegiance Adds “With Liberty and Probiotics for All” • Apple Unveils iGod • “We All Are Going to Die”: Interview with Senator Joni Ernst’s Abandoned Empathy
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