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BREAKING: Constitution Replaced by Freedom+™ Subscription Model • U.S. Launches “Don’t Get Sick” Wellness Campaign • Florida Man Baptizes 17 Alligators in Wendy’s Parking Lot, Claims “They Found Jesus Faster Than My Ex-Wife” • JD Revelations: The Angel of Death Watches • New AI Dating App Pairs You Based on Your Deepest Abandonment Issues
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